It sounds like something straight out of a quirky animated movie – a gang of clever raccoons breaking into a high-security bank vault to steal cash and coin. But was it just a tall tale or did this brazen caper actually take place in the real world? Let’s examine the evidence.

The Alleged Crime Scene

The supposed bank robbery in question is said to have occurred in the early morning hours of June 18th, 2022 at the First Farmers Bank in Redwood City, California. Employees arriving for their morning shift were greeted by an unusual scene – scratch marks along the floor and walls, miscellaneous debris scattered about, and the unmistakable stench of animal droppings.

Upon closer inspection of the bank’s interior security footage, tellers and management were stunned by what they saw – a coordinated endeavor by upwards of 8 masked bandits with striped tails creeping stealthily through the lobby area and wriggling their way through a cut air duct and into the main vault.

Raccoon dog

The Evidence Mounts

As baffling as the security footage appeared, local police were even more surprised when they arrived on the scene to find $17,000 in hard cash strewn about the vault area, along with several thousand dollars worth of cracked open piggy banks and coin containers that had been thoroughly ransacked.

Officer Dan Robertson, one of the first responders, was quoted as saying “I’ve witnessed some pretty brazen robberies in my time, but this took the cake. You’ve got to hand it to these little guys – their meticulous planning and execution was something to behold.”

Further deepening the mystery were the dozens of muddy paw prints found along surfaces throughout the crime scene area, as well as random household objects like soap bars, tin cans, and old tennis balls that appeared to have been the tools used for cracking into the coin containers.

Raccoon dog

Suspects with Priors?

While it may seem far-fetched that a group of raccoons could have successfully pulled off such an elaborately planned heist, these particular suspects may have had some experience with bank larceny prior to this incident.

Professor Sandra Kurtz, a prominent raccoon behavioral scientist at Stanford University, believes that the culprits may have been part of a notoriously clever family of raccoons that took up residence in a hollow tree just blocks away from the First Farmers Bank two years prior.

“We had been monitoring this family of raccoons for several months and noticed they exhibited extremely high intelligence and an amazing ability for problem-solving – particularly when it came to obtaining easily accessible food sources,” explained Kurtz.

“Their den was located just behind a Burger Palace restaurant, and we witnessed them perfectly mimicking the hand motions of the drive-thru workers to obtain free french fries from patrons on multiple occasions. We even caught them on video working together as a team to unhinge the latch on the dumpster enclosure so they could feast on discarded burgers and shakes at their leisure.”

It’s speculated that these highly trained and coordinated raccoons may have turned their sights on the First Farmers Bank as their next target after being spooked from their Burger Palace setup by construction in the area.

Raccoon dog

The Perpetually Bungled Investigation

Despite having rock-solid evidence of the crime itself, local authorities were never able to identify, apprehend or prosecute any of the involved raccoons. To this day, the case remains open and unsolved.

“I’ve truly never seen anything like it,” said veteran detective Harry Dobbs, who was the lead investigator on the case. “We had clear surveillance footage and video, literally thousands of paw prints, and cash scattered everywhere. But despite going door-to-door through backyards and parks all over the city, we just couldn’t pinpoint which raccoons were the actual culprits.”

Raccoon dogs

The Last Laugh?

Frustratingly for law enforcement, this particular gang of raccoons seemed determined to elude capture and escape to freedom with their ill-gotten loot.

Local newspapers were inundated for months with cheeky pictures and notes purportedly from the bandits themselves, taunting police with captions like “You’ll never take us alive!” and “Say hello to my little friends!”

One image that went viral online even appeared to show the grinning raccoons lounging by a tropical beach, sipping out of coconuts while fanning themselves with $100 bills.

Ultimately, the First Farmers Bank Incident went down as one of the most bizarre and vexing cases ever witnessed in the area – an elaborate, cunningly-executed, and utterly brazen bank robbery pulled off with meticulous planning and coordination. By a pack of raccoons.

While we may never know for certain if the evidence of this caper is authentic or just an elaborate hoax, one thing is undeniable – the perpetrators clearly had the last laugh if this jaw-dropping heist did indeed occur as portrayed. The Great Raccoon Bank Robbery would certainly rank among the most mind-boggling capers the world has ever seen.

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